check it out

thinking about trying something new for 2011
check out the newness HERE

And thus the old becomes new again.

"How long to live in a state of necessity?
How long 'til I reach the final place where my heart says "no" and I will listen?
Is it dreams that so obscurely define my reality, or the truth that my heart speaks worlds apart from what my eyes are willing to see?

I scold and trick myself.
I lie to my advantage.
I dream of things and I miss my target- blinded by the back of my head as I turn away.

And it is these things that so manifest themselves in my body that I become a walking habit of dumbfounded resistance- too blinded to see the signs in front of me that scream the Lost-Cause vitals. And oh the shame of myself as a sulk in the depths of want and regret. The powerless struggle I present resounds no truer than in gritted teeth and a defeated heart... because I let myself be overcome by something I couldn't have. And even though this wrecked and haughty soul fell into grace with a grateful heart, she will turn to find that love has blown into the nest of another."

-Me, 2009.

Report

Okay folks. Made my November Resolutions and goodness gracious, this month is already over. I'm still stuck on the fact that Halloween already happened. Where did my semester go? And can I get it back?

I wish I could report back to you with a lengthy, feel-good checklist of all the things I accomplished this month, but I really can't. That would cause me to lie extensively to the public. However, I'm giving myself an extension. It seems silly to give these things up with only a few weeks left of the semester! So the things I haven't done yet, I'm gonna give it a shot. I have until December 17.

Better late than never, right?

Resolution Verdict:
1) Rec Center 3x/ week (FAIL)
-extenuating circumstances + sudden hectic craziness kept this resolution from being accomplished.
-I wish "wanting" to go to the gym counted for going. This, however, isn't so.

2) Vitamins (FAIL)
-I didn't even try.
-But I will try starting Monday.

3) Facebook limit 5 hrs/week (NEITHER..?)
-I started logging my time and I realized I really only was spending about 10-15 minutes per day.
-Clearly, this was not as big of an issue as I thought it was.

4) Healthy Snacking (PASS)
-healthy snacking this November pretty much looked like no snacking. And I did pretty good other wise- until I got home for Thanksgiving and suddenly had an oven to bake things in :/ What's a girl to do?

5) Read a Book (FAIL)
-boo... :( If textbooks counted, I read several.

6) Journal everyday (PASS)
-I journaled almost everyday.. and that's a good enough start for me!

7) "Beautiful Things" reel (NEITHER)
-It's in the production stage.

8) Fix Surfboard (FAIL)
-apathetic + no desire to freeze in the frigid East Pacific = I don't care about surfing right now.

9) Marching band show (PASS)
-Went to Megan's competition in Mission Viejo. It was so fun!

10) Blog (FAIL)
-well, haven't blogged all month. I just don't know what to write about. Who reads this stuff anyways?
-I actually have a blog about Music that's being written... It's just taking a long time because it means so much to me.


BLOG ABOUT MUSIC - COMING SOON!
stay tuned.

November Resolutions

The fact that I haven't blogged in over a month should be enough to tell you I've got some issues that need to be worked out. Thus I give you the November Resolutions. Their whats and whys are listed below, as well as in the side bar of my blog- where any resolutions can be added hereafter.

1. Go to the Student Rec Center at least 3 times a week.

-why:

1) it's free

2) stay healthy and fit!

2. Take vitamins..

-why:

1) during my freshman year, I actually noticed a difference in my overall energy throughout the day when I did & didn't take vitamins.

2) I don't drink enough milk.

3. No more than 5 hours of Facebook per week. (I WILL be logging my time).

-why:

1) pointless hours spent clicking through pages results in unneeded stress when academic deadlines approach.

2) I'd rather talk to you on the phone.

4. Only healthy snacking.

-why:

1) It's almost self explanatory.

2) you don't even want to know how much candy and how many pop tarts I ate last week.

5. Read 1 book (not school related).

-why:

1) makes you a better writer.

2) I miss just reading a book to read it. No strings attached. No highlighter. No annotations. No essay. Nothing.

6. Journal every day.

-why:

1) I like to write.

2) I did this for my entire 8th grade year, and my memories from that time remain fresher than any of my years in high school.

3) It's fun to look back and see what I was learning, and how I've changed.

7. Make a little video reel of "everyday" things that I think are beautiful

-why:

1) Just because.

8. Get my surfboard fixed.

-why:

1) Because it's broken.

2) I miss surfing.

3) So I can go surfing..

9. Go to at least one of Megan's marching band shows.

-why:

1) She is totally awesome.

2) I love seeing the shows.

3) Her band has won every competition so far this year :)

10. Blog

-why:

1) *see Resolution 6; why #1.

2) *see Resolution 6; why #3.

3) *see Resolution 7; why #1.

Making Movies

I recently received an email from the Film Department that gave information on a fully equipped studio in the area that offers a very low rate for students who want to use their facilities. Basically they have a bunch of equipment and a bunch of sets that we can use if we want to. As I read the list, it kind of made me laugh- thinking that an actual place exists that has all these different things:

1. Medical Consultant with over 35 years experience for your medical
themed projects
2. Free parking for up to 25 cars
3. Fully equipped Hospital which features an Operating Room, Nurses Station,
Single Patient Room, Hospital Hallway, M.R.I., Emergency Room, I.C.U.,
Exam Room & Lab
4. Fully equipped Medical Clinic which features a Doctors office, Exam
Room, Patient waiting area, Nurses Station and an additional Operating
or Double Patient Room
5. A formal Restaurant
6. A Diner or donuts shop
7. Living Room
8. Master Bedroom
9. Formal Dinning Room
10. Detective's Bull Pen with Captains office and Interrogation Room
11. Conference Room
12. Apartment Hallway
13. Fully Equipped Morgue
14. Free Wi-Fi
15. Open warehouse which is great for Music Videos or Horror Films!

I mean I guess it makes sense- but could you imagine walking through these places? So real, but so.. not. Trippy.

Skeleton Friends

There is an interesting quality about being human.

We are, after all, simply collections of particles, of materials. Flesh constructed atop slender figures of bone; a network of electricity wired to make our heavy limbs move. We're all made the same way, out of the same stuff, with organs that function in the same ways. All our DNA coils like the pictures in the textbook; and when broken down, we are all simply atoms.

A few nights ago I tried to force myself into this simple scientific framework- it's an eerie thing to experience if, just for a moment, you see your friends as matter rather than people that you know. As the television cast its brightness into the dark living room, I saw my hand, brightly lit, illuminated blue. I imagined the framework beneath my skin, the skeletal hand, and how I could move it on my own accord. I glanced to my left and saw five of my friends friends- all chests rising and falling to different beats of equilibrium.

I imagined them all sitting there- but only in muscle form, and then as skeletons- I didn't like it. To be honest it was kinda freaky- BUT.. it really did make me think.

First I thought about how strange it is for us, these figures of flesh, to care for and encourage one another. To make each other laugh. To hug and hold each others hands. To have thoughts and feelings. I thought about what it actually means to be. So much of what makes the people we know are things that we not only cannot see, but are utterly intangible. Emotion, personality, character, spirit; things that are sometimes so inexplicable; completely individualized.

Many times I envision people shaped- less like figures of flesh, and more like vases; their hollow centers filled with life, light, spirit, and an innate longing for something divine. There is depth in the human character that stretches far deeper than the depth and width of the human skeleton. And it is such a perfect and beautiful thing to behold.

I haven't really come to a conclusion about my thoughts on this, except that it astounds me.

"Untold millions of people run and run,

constantly seeking, grow desperate and die

looking for the light that is within them."

How I Got Scammed.. and Other News

Sula "Lily Lotus" is the perfume I started wearing at the end of high school, and I love it. Originally, I bought it at a cute little store called Anthropologie, but they recently discontinued their retailer-ship of said perfume, and I've since had to look elsewhere.

Buying online is very convenient for many reasons- one of them being price. Normally being around $32/bottle, I've found this perfume on ebay and Amazon for as little as $5 (...total steal). About 2 weeks ago, I used my last spray of my last bottle; but I went online, found a sweet deal on the elixir, and ordered it.

I was amazed at how fast it arrived. It was such a nice mid-afternoon surprise! I wasn't expecting it until Tuesday, so when I had a package slip in my mailbox today, I was stoked. I opened the package on the way back to my dorm- took out the bottle- and the first thing I noticed was that this normally crystal-clear perfume had the slightest yellowish tint to it. I passed it off as a trick of lighting, but when I smelled it- it didn't smell quite right either.

Wanting so much for this story to have a happy ending, I sprayed it on the hood of one of my jackets and gave it 5 minutes.

5 minutes later this "perfume" smelled less like perfume and more like laundry detergent.

After several tests and consulting with the roommate, we decided that this bottle was probably used, refilled, and sent (very meanly) to me. One slightly humorous-disappointment and a strongly-worded email later, I sit perfume-less.

Maybe it's time I start looking for another scent to call my own...

IN OTHER NEWS

there's this boy I really like. His name is Justin. He's great.

I hope that if you don't already know him, you get to meet him someday. And though I have no intention of using my fake perfume, I'm convinced that if I smelled like laundry detergent, he'd still hang out with me :)