When my life is like a movie...

...these are the things I think:

The clouds caressing the setting sun are gorgeous; they graze the lower atmosphere above the passing farms. With the radio as my soundtrack, I stare out the window and pretend I'm an actress. I let my hair whip across my lips and eyelashes; I do not attempt to suppress its motion. There's a glow of sinking sun on my skin. I let the broken patches of orange flicker briefly in my eyes and I do not blink. I smile with peaceful passion because I know, if this were a movie, I would feel as I feel now: in the moment, in the sunset, in the beauty, in...

Metaphor

I really like to run, you know, like really run.

And this feeling has been building for a long time.
I want to run, but the problem is: I don't.

I sit in my dorm room and I think about running.

I like the feeling of those Asics on my feet.

I sit in my dorm room and I think about the streets- where I would run, how I would run.
But the problem is: I don't.

I'm not even sure what's stopping me. Too many things I guess.
Apathy is one.. Inadequacy, two..
Not knowing if I even breathe right.
Fear of not achieving my personal goals.
It's raining.
I didn't drink enough water today.
I need to stretch.
My iPod earbuds always fall out of my ears.
I don't like being sweaty...

And so I sit.
But I see others running and I envy them (they're so motivated, they're so in shape).
Yet I revert back to apathy-one, inadequacy-two. And I do not run.
And I am not running.
And I look in the mirror- disgusted am I-
I see others running and I envy them.

fear-three, weather-four.

A vicious cycle of it over again.

And all I am lacking is the act itself.

Running.
Yet all it would take is just getting out there and doing it.

Least-Favorites

So I've been thinking lately: It's one thing to know a person by knowing all their favorites- their favorite movies, favorite band, favorite color, favorite food- but I feel like you get to know someone a lot more when you start finding out things they don't like. For some reason, those things seem to reveal a whole lot more about a person. Maybe it's because they are talked about a whole lot less.

Nevertheless, I find myself wondering about least-favorites and dislikes often, especially when I'm around people whose optimism and general love for the world seem to define their existence (how do they do it?!). And to me it's like a small treasure when they gag at the mention of a particular food, or switch the radio when a certain song comes on (usually accompanied by "ugh. ew. no. I hate that song"). I always smile silently if they reveal mild frustration, or even outrightly unveil the thing they are afraid of, or something they do not like.

It's not that I'm condoning hatred, I just find least-favorites to be particularly unique.

Some of my own least-favorites:

word: kowtow (it sounds bitter and reminds me of the color 'burnt orange')

food: watermelon

band: the smashing pumpkins

school subject: math

movie genre: horror

artificial flavor: orange (reminds me of being car sick- Dramamine is orange-flavored).

instrument: pan flute (sounds like San Francisco).

grammatical mistake: the misusing of "there" "their" and "they're"

habit of mine: being 5 minutes late

Colorblind

I was wearing an orange t-shirt in Target today and, while looking for my favorite laundry detergent, a man stopped his cart abruptly and sighed as if spotting me was a stroke of luck. He said,

"Excuse me, but where is the kleenex?"

I was a little taken aback, but I realized he must have thought my orange shirt was a red one- mistaking me for an employee (either that or I just looked like I knew everything). So I went with it.

"Oh, it's just one more isle over," I said with a smile.

(believe me, I know Target).

He huffed a thanks and left. I chuckled quietly.

Moral of the story: Never wear orange (or red, for that matter) in Target unless you know it like the back of your hand.

$ On What Teachers Make $

Obviously The Boys Downstairs Don't Care About Midterms

I. Might. Beat You Up.

If. You. Keep This Up.

... that's about the best rhyme I could spit to the beat of the amplified bass that is pulsating through my floor from the room below me.

This has been going on for the past hour.

And in light of the post below entitled GEOG 130, all I can say is:

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

GEOG 130

So- I'm extremely frustrated right now. Extremely. My Geography class is insane and all the lecture material seems like an intro to something that will be more pertinent later. But the midterm is on Thursday. And our professor gave us a bogusly abstract practice test that basically said "study everything," which, any college student knows, is never helpful.

Sometimes I think- what's the use in blogging about this anyways; it's only extracting from the time I could be studying the material I'm complaining about, or even just the time that I could merely be sitting, staring at the myriad of complex terminology woven into the test questions and wondering if my seemingly eloquent-less professor actually wrote them. I have a hard time believing he did- either that or he is oblivious to the fact that the depth and complexity of the midterm content is never addressed in lecture.

And it's not only the lecture! It's the lab too. About 3/4 of our time in lab is spent collaborating to figure out how to format our Excel graphs so they look the right way- something our instructor does not know how to do either. It's great.. I love trying to discern the guts of the lab later on, by myself, because we spent so much time in class re-formating our x-axis so it would be more aesthetically pleasing...

The whole thing is frustrating, and it's casting an ominous shadow on my GPA.

I'm trying the best I can.

And while I'm close to tears about the ordeal, I'm trying (trying) to trust that as long as I'm doing the best I can, God's got the rest of it- even if that means a B or a C (as much as it kills me to say it). Because if that's what it takes to get me to where He wants me to be, or humble me in the knowledge that my identity is not found in my GPA, then so be it.

I'm just afraid that these instructional inconsistencies are going to rob me of a grade that I am and have been working for.

Photo Blog

So, I'm realizing now that I'm not very good at this whole blog thing.. my blog while I was in Japan was different because I usually had something new and exciting to talk about every day. Now it's just.. regular life. I find myself wondering "what the heck could I even write about today?" and then I end up writing about how I walked into a spider web, or saw someone running with their backpack on. Needless to say, my life is not only average, but relatively boring at times. Thus, I introduce the photo blog... because everyone likes pictu

res! Here are the last three-point-three months of my life in a photographic nutshell:

#1) Thinking of fictitious band names with a dear friend, some of which included:

-November Coast

-Polar

-Sage (also "Ground Pepper" or anything else we found in my spice cabinet.)

-and in honor of Owl City: "Pigeon Village"

#2) Having Christmas at home.

-we always have a very shimmery and very eclectic tree, decked in ornaments from the last 50 years.

#3) Getting to explore the way-back roads of my hometown while site selecting for Catharsis.

#4) Being on a road that divided the ever-growing, ever-grasping city and housing developments from the glorious farmland.. and knowing that it was only a matter of time :(

#5) Getting to film Catharsis with Chris and Heather.

- it was a way bigger project than anticipated,

but so worth the effort to complete.

#6) Forcing my dog to take pictures with me..

#7) Taking myspace-trendy pictures of myself

while allowing for successful photo-bombing..

#8) Some things from my bedroom that I love:

-my picture of me and my 3 besties in high school.

-my calendar from 2008 when I went to Alaska with Heather, Aimee, and Spencer.

#9) Driving back to Long Beach after winter break-

-if I got pulled over while taking pictures of myself, wouldn't it be hilarious if the cop car & lights were in the reflection of my aviators? I think that picture would be worth the ticket..

#10) Meeting best friends in the Happiest Place on Earth.

#11) Picture from the set of the Navigators Truth Conference video.

-looking at this makes me know what I want to do with my life.

#12) Dancing with a cardboard cut out (goofing off on set)

#13) Making new friends...

#14) ... and continuing relationships with older ones.

#15) Beach Devotional Saturdays

-except.. the last 4 Saturdays have been the ONLY days it has rained.. what's up with that?

#16) Having 17 mate-less socks..

#17) Buying $5 childhood favorites at Target..

#18) Painting abstract stuff while I'm sick-

also, making the same face I made after

buying $5 childhood favorites at Target.

#19) Being sick.. bleh.

I also have been studying and stuff too- but I mean c'mon- who takes pictures of that? :)

blow, blow, blow your nose..

I went through two travel-size kleenex packs, and had some other tissues on the side- meaning that I blew my nose over 30 times today. that must be a record- and if it's not, the number of times I sneezed may be. too bad I lost count.

all in all, this week so far has been pinched by lymph-nodes and stuffed by sinus yuck. but I'm living on the sunny side.
I had a wonderful time with Dave the Painter (and friends) today on the lawn making tye-die shirts, and I learned a lot in Swahili (best class ever). I also had some great conversation with Justin doing Free Prayer, and the class that I hate really wasn't that bad.

here's to a great day, a hot shower, soft pajamas, and hoping that the next few days will be lookin' up. :)